


Make Me Feel Something

by Rosswritesalot



Category: Banana Bus Squad, The Misfits (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:13:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25751152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosswritesalot/pseuds/Rosswritesalot
Summary: He looks gorgeous and for a moment Nick allows himself to imagine that this wedding is for them, not for the girl who just stormed out of the door. He thinks of how different everything would be, and he turns away, rubbing his face as he moves to arrange the flowers on the tables.
Relationships: KryozGaming/KugoTheMighty
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	Make Me Feel Something

Nick knows he is in love with John, but he never really lets himself think about that. He goes from girl to girl trying to find someone to fill this void but always ends up right back here, staring at John, thinking about all of these years in which his life has never made sense. 

John doesn't realize Nick is into him, because he can't allow himself to think like that. He doesn't allow himself to have hope and doesn't really bother with relationships. They're all so messy anyway, and none of them are what he wants, but the boy he wants is on a bender with another girl he claims to love, and John gives a fake smile, convincing the both of them that it is real.

John allows himself one night stands when he feels like getting laid, but it's more often than not that he is moaning someone else's name. Not like the person he is screwing cares anyway. He's just a hole to fuck to them. 

Nick tries for love at every corner. He allows himself to be wrapped up in this fantasy world where the girl who loves him, he loves back. It works for a while of course, and everyone around them assumes they're happy, but he lies awake at night thinking about how he still doesn't feel anything like the books describe.

John crashes at friends houses, never really home anymore because the couple of months they lived together were the happiest of his life and now the place feels strangely empty without Nick's presence.

Nick misses home, even though he is currently staying in his new one. He moved yet again for yet another girl and still doesn't feel a thing. He is sure she will want to get married soon and he doesn't really think he wants to, but maybe marriage will make him happy. After all, it's what everyone does. No one ever claims to be happy in marriage, so maybe this is how it's supposed to be.

John feels like there's a pit in his stomach when he gets the invitation to Nick's wedding ceremony. It's to be expected, after all him and the new girl John can never remember the name of have been going steady for about a year now. It's hard for John to wrap his head around the fact that it's been over a year since the last night he and Nick were alone together. He knows it's going to hurt, but he starts looking for places to rent a suit anyway. On the card the words "be my best man?" Are scrawled messily. It's just like Nick to ask something like that over mail. 

Nick's fiance wants him to write out his own set of vows, and he can't think of a single line. He doesn't remember their first date, as at the time he was going on dates with many. He doesn't remember their first kiss, because sure he must have been drunk. He doesn't have anything nice to say about her personality, as she's one of the most boring people he's ever met, but he is supposed to say he loves her. He is about to marry a girl for which he feels nothing at all

John turns up at the ceremony, dressed up in a suit he rented that doesn't fit exactly right, but still looks amazing either way. He can see Nick trying to calm down the bride to be from across the room, and takes a hit from his vape before shuffling over. Their words practically melt through his ears, but somehow he talks with them. Something he says hits the bride wrong, though he can't remember what it was. She is already gone before he can ask. 

Nick knows he should be following his fiance out the door, begging for her to come back and making sure she doesn't call the wedding off. He simply can't think with John standing there in a coal black tux, his hair cut shorter than he's ever seen it, and new rings adorning his fingers. He looks gorgeous and for a moment Nick allows himself to imagine that this wedding is for them, not for the girl who just stormed out of the door. He thinks of how different everything would be, and he turns away, rubbing his face as he moves to arrange the flowers on the tables.

John watches as Nick and the bride disappear into the back. He has been to enough weddings that he knows how it will all go despite not showing up for a single dress rehearsal. He is paired up with some random girl who already smells slightly of alcohol, and he knows that she is just there to try and get laid. He allows himself to walk in time with the poor music choice, and wonders what happened to the Nick who once told him he would never date a girl with poor music taste. Suppose it all goes out the window when you love someone. 

Nick wasn't even sweating. His life was about to change before his very eyes and he couldn't find it in himself to care. Didn't most people cry at these types of things? He couldn't remember. He was too focused on John, who looked somehow at ease despite everything else. Somehow the presence of his best friend beside him made it better, even as the lovely girl he felt nothing for walked towards him slowly. Nick couldn't remember how to breathe. He just wanted to get it all over with.

John isn't really listening for anything besides the main cues. He tuned out the music long ago, and at this point is just listening to the breathing of his best friend. It's surprisingly normal despite it all, and John chuckles at how sure the man seems about it all. He thinks it must be nice to have your life figured out so soon. He wonders if Nick's heart is pounding in his chest when he looks at her. He wonders if every time she touches him feels like slipping into another world. John wonders if Nick loves her like he loves him, and it's all too messed up in his head to think about, so he stops thinking. 

Nick is lost entirely. He honestly doesn't remember how he got to this point in his life. He was told when he got older that he would get a good job doing something he loved and find a pretty girl to share that love with. Was this it? Was this everything that people had to hope for? What was the point in loving someone if it didn't make you happy? Why didn't he cry when he saw her walking down the aisle? It didn't matter now. She was in front of him, and she was smiling at him as if he meant the world to her, and maybe he did. Nick just couldn't say the same.

John is looking around at the decorations, and finds that they all look so different than what he imagined Nick's wedding to look like. He would have imagined Nick to have some funny sayings on the walls, or some fairy lights to dance beneath. Everything was so traditional that John wondered if Nick had a say in it at all. The officiator is speaking, claiming Jesus Christ is the reason for everything beneath the sun and John has to keep from laughing as the sun went down over an hour ago. It's ridiculous, but he is allowing himself to focus on these little things rather than the fact that he is losing his best friend before his very eyes. 

Nick has the ceremony memorized. She made him go over every cue with her to make sure he didn't mess it up. They went with traditional rather than modern, even though Nick can't remember ever agreeing to that decision. He knows that the officiator will drag out his moment of glory as long as he can, as it seems he didn't get to do these types of weddings much anymore. Nick feels John's shoulder brush against his back, and he has to try not to shiver, because he felt flames in the simple touches, despite the dainty hands in his own feeling cold.

John runs his hands through his hair and shifts his weight to be closer to Nick. The man behind him was breathing heavily against his neck and something about being near Nick made everything less unbearable. Suppose it's because these were the last moments before time stopped for John. He knew he wouldn't be able to move on from this, he would most likely be stuck in this moment forever, but he lets it happen, because he wants nothing more than for Nick to be happy. 

Nick is terrified. He can hear the man's voice droning on, and the words he speaks are slowly pulling him deeper and deeper into a pit he can't escape. It's the simple question that bounces around in his brain. Are there any objections? Any at all? Sure, Nick had plenty. He didn't want to be here, he didn't love the girl whose hands he held, he couldn't breathe. His lifeline was standing behind him, surely not caring about anything at all. How could he not care when Nick's world was falling apart? How could everyone be so calm when everything he felt was so wrong?

John bit his lip as the question hung heavy in the air. Seconds felt like hours, and he had never wanted to speak up so badly in his life. He didn't though, because Nick was surely happy with this, and John wasn't willing to take that away from him. 

"Yes, I do."

Nick's voice rang out into the silence, and he couldn't decide ever deciding to speak. The cold hands were gone in a flash as the girl looked at him with a mixture of hurt and anger. He still didn't care. In that moment, all he could think about was the hole of his best friend's eyes burning through the back of his head. He took a deep breath and turned to him, reaching up to grab him by the suit and pull him in for a kiss. For the first time in years, he felt something when his lips were pressed to someone else's. He allowed himself to imagine this wedding was for them, and that the family of the girl wasn't screaming at them as John rested a hand on Nick's hip. He allowed himself to feel it all, and knew that this was where he was supposed to be.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey I hope you enjoyed this fic. Feel free to follow me on twitter/instagram @simping_soup or on tumblr @simping-soup!


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